Cherubplay

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Fuck. Fuck. She wasn't helping! She was only good at making things worse. That's all she ever did. It was her fault everyone hated Ren. It was her fault Seculus was crying. Fuck. Fuck. She felt the sensation of her heart racing. God /Dammit!/ Why here?! Why now! Immediately she turned to Seculus and clung to him, her body reacting on instinct now. She began to hyperventilate through her tears, hands tightly gripping his shirt as she trembled.

2015-09-06 09:05:05

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Wha -- oh no. OH GOD WHAT DID I DO. I was confused by her initial movements, but the second I realized what was going on -- who am I kidding, I'm giving myself too much credit, she basically told me herself -- I dragged my hands away from my face and put them around her. My sweater was always like a warm, soft hug for me. It made for them as well. I'm sorry. I caused this. "It isn't your fault, it's no one's but mine, please, just take deep breaths...."

2015-09-06 09:16:32

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She wanted to speak. She wanted to /scream./ But she couldn't. Her mind as well as her voice wouldn't let her. It was like living a nightmare, and she certainly was terrified. Focus. Focus! Come on! She could do this. He was right. Take deeps breaths. At least try to. Oh God. Don't leave! Please /don't leave her alone!/

2015-09-06 09:21:06

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....oh God, Ivory, I..... "I won't. I won't, okay?" I hugged her tighter to my chest, hair falling over my closed eyes. Living a nightmare. But at least she didn't have to do that in the most literal sense. And she had Ren, Lance, and Zane. She wouldn't be alone. If for some reason they left, I would do what I could, even if it just made everything worse.

2015-09-06 09:29:33

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Good, he could still hear her thoughts. Even through this...this chaos, he could still hear her. Focus. Breathe. Everything was okay. She was't going to die. It was all just in her head. Her hyperventilating became more of a sob, and her grip lessened, but the shaking still remained.

2015-09-06 09:33:44

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......for once.....it was actually a good thing? I wasn't being intrusive, it was helping her, I did something /right/? I didn't loosen my own grip. "It's okay." I might be a coward, but that doesn't mean I can't tell her it's okay, even when it probably isn't.

2015-09-06 09:43:34

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Finally. she was able to speak again. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to I'm sorry." She choked out through her sobs, still clinging to him.

2015-09-06 09:48:00

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"Of course you didn't, please don't apologize, you did nothing wrong."

2015-09-06 09:51:07

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"Yes I did. I fucked up. I fucked up really bad. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."

2015-09-06 09:52:23

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"No, you didn't, you didn't do any of the above, don't think it's your fault I'm pathetic."

2015-09-06 10:07:40

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"You're not pathetic. I shouldn't of had an anxiety attack. I shouldn't of made you feel bad for me."

2015-09-06 10:10:06

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"Don't be ridiculous, you can't control it."

2015-09-06 10:11:45

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"I know, but that doesn't automatically make it okay."

2015-09-06 10:12:33

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"You can't possibly blame yourself for having an attack, and of course it's excusable. I especially can't find you at fault here, and you know that."

2015-09-06 10:13:27

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"....I do." She rubbed her eyes to wipe away the tears, her hands black from yet again more smudged eyeliner. "Just, please. Don't blame yourself. You did nothing wrong."

2015-09-06 10:16:53

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"If I hadn't asked you to begin with, this never would've happened. I'm just so stupid, what was I thinking asking that..."

2015-09-06 10:24:25

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"...." She released her grip from his shirt, and moved it to his waist. "You were bound to ask me eventually, I assume. It's better sooner than later."

2015-09-06 10:27:02

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"I doubt it. Later, I could've actually reconsidered asking ever, and stopped myself." ....what was she doing?

2015-09-06 10:28:51

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"It's a normal question to ask for those who have been there."

2015-09-06 10:32:30

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"If I hadn't been so intrusive to begin with, I would've never known to ask."

2015-09-06 10:33:55

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"Well whoever told you about it probably told you for a reason."

2015-09-06 10:34:33

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"It was /Clarenz/. So I think not."

2015-09-06 10:35:00

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...Of course it was. She sighed."I'm sorry about that, then."

2015-09-06 10:36:57

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"Don't you dare apologize for his mistakes. You'd never do something like that."

2015-09-06 10:37:46

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"Considering he was my angel, yes I could have."

2015-09-06 10:38:16