Cherubplay

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What? "No, you aren't, and you didn't." She can't upset me if I'm always upset. And here it was, pretending to worry about me so I'd cut out the bullshit whining already. This was why I'd stopped. No one ever bothered if they thought I was fine.

2015-09-02 09:28:20

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"Yes. Yes I did." He couldn't hide something like that from her. She knew it too much. Wait. Fuck. Stop thinking. STOP THINKING.

2015-09-02 09:29:32

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Stop -- what the... Oh. Crap. And now she was trying to stop thinking entirely. Because she didn't want me to hear. ......God, I /hate/ myself. I can't even lessen up and stop listening. I wanted to ask, because I'm just that selfish, but it certainly wouldn't be a pleasant conversation. But I wanted to know. What did she know too much? I ran my hand through my messy hair, trying to shield away her thoughts, or....something. "You /didn't/. I'm fine."

2015-09-02 09:37:30

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"Yes. I did." She exhaled slowly. "There's no point in lying if I know the truth."

2015-09-02 09:38:56

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"But you don't." I was going to be as stubborn as time allowed. She wasn't going to have come over here simply to waste her time 'helping' me.

2015-09-02 09:42:05

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"I do." She saw the signs. Better than everyone else did.

2015-09-02 09:44:47

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"No. Just stop it. I'm not going to add to your already lengthy list of troubles."

2015-09-02 09:47:31

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"Even if I have troubles, there's nothing wrong with asking for help."

2015-09-02 09:48:35

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UGH! Why won't she just.....why am I so angry? She cares. That's uncommon. But I don't want to ask for help. There's no point. "....there is if I don't need it."

2015-09-02 09:52:10

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"You do."

2015-09-02 09:52:26

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Dammit. "I /don't/."

2015-09-02 10:00:24

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She paused. "And if you do?"

2015-09-02 10:01:27

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"What kind of question is that?"

2015-09-02 10:02:04

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"A question of whether or not you would actually accept it."

2015-09-02 10:02:49

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"......." I suck at helping, but it's my responsibility to. I'm not supposed to be the one getting attention or having people fuss over me. It's not like it would even help anything. No amount of fussing could make me a more worthwhile person. "It would be a waste of time. So probably not."

2015-09-02 10:07:14

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"Nah, it wouldn't be a waste of time. Seeing you happy would definitely be worth it."

2015-09-02 10:08:05

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......I sort of just........stared at her in confusion. What? What kind of reward was that? /Seeing me happy/?

2015-09-02 10:12:03

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She stared back at him, her own expression growing confused. "...what?"

2015-09-02 10:13:29

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"....why on Earth would that make it worth it?"

2015-09-02 10:18:34

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"...it just..would? I don't really need a reason behind it?"

2015-09-02 10:19:12

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"Really? Um...." I still wasn't sure how to respond to that. Again, I was reminded of Anndrea. She'd said that too. That she just wanted me to be happy. That was....partially......why I'd done this. She wouldn't have to see me sad this way. If I ever did get to see her....

2015-09-02 10:23:06

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"Yes. Really." Why would she lie about this? Honestly. What good would come from it?

2015-09-02 10:24:36

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"Well, it made me stop prote--DAMMIT!" I DID IT AGAIN! I FUCKING DID IT AGAIN! YOU COMPLETE GODDAMN MORON! I hit myself on the head with the heel of my hand.

2015-09-02 10:28:19

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"It's okay. I'm not mad. It's fine. I just...didn't expect it, not upset by it." See? Everything is fine.

2015-09-02 10:30:34

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STOP PATRONIZING ME! No, stop that, she doesn't deserve to be yelled at..... "It isn't..../fine/, it's....." Can't even.....keep a meaningful conversation going. Why did I have to be able to read minds in the first place?

2015-09-02 10:36:49